ORIGINAL HEADLINE · MS NOW · 2026-05-03 — “Todd Blanche Says Comey Indictment Is ‘Not Just About’ Seashells Photo” · read source
ok so for the people just logging on. former fbi director james comey has been INDICTED. by a grand jury. in north carolina. for threatening the president. via. seashells.
let me back up. last year comey posted to instagram a photograph of some seashells on a beach. the seashells were arranged to spell “86 47.” if you have ever spent five (5) consecutive minutes online you know what this means. “86” is restaurant slang for cancel. “47” is the 47th president. it is a SHELL POST. it is, on the menu of dunks, the dunk that arrives in a little basket with a paper liner.
the federal government has spent ELEVEN MONTHS on this. eleven. months. “the grand jury collected evidence over a series of about 11 months,” acting attorney general todd blanche said sunday on cnn. ELEVEN MONTHS OF SEASHELLS. there are entire crustaceans that complete a life cycle in less time. there are mollusks that have come and gone, my friends. they have come AND gone.
blanche — who is, and i cannot stress this enough, the same todd blanche who used to be donald trump’s personal defense attorney and now happens to be the acting attorney general of the united states which is normal and fine — went on cnn AND nbc to assure america that the indictment is, quote, “NOT JUST ABOUT” the seashells. it is also about other things. he cannot tell us what those other things are. that is for the trial. it is a SURPRISE. it will be a fun surprise.
he also clarified, on “meet the press,” that quote, “every one of those statements do not result in indictments.” so to be clear: if YOU have ever tweeted 8647, you are probably fine. probably. it is, he says, only SOME of the people. selected by, presumably, the same career FBI agents who spent eleven months on a beach.
SEN. THOM TILLIS, REPUBLICAN, NORTH CAROLINA — the same north carolina where this case was indicted, friends, the SAME ONE — went on cnn and said quote “i can’t find any evidence where 86 is used as a call for violence.” he then explained, AS A RETIRING REPUBLICAN SENATOR, that 86 is restaurant slang. “it has its roots at ’86ing’ the menu or ’86ing’ the product.” the senator from the prosecuting state knows the meme better than the attorney general. that is the beat. that is the whole beat.
tillis also called comey’s original FBI appointment “the biggest disappointment” of his senate career. so this is a republican who hates comey saying the comey indictment is bunk. let that one sink in. or, if you prefer, let it 86 in.
OH AND ALSO. according to a separate ms now report, the seashells case was reportedly on the back burner until ag pam bondi got fired. then it suddenly was not on the back burner. just a thing that happened. they took it OFF the back burner. one might even say they— — — nope. i won’t say it. i will not. i am being good.
anyway. the federal government is now fully online. they have read your tweets. they have screenshotted your beach pics. they are coming for the conch. stay tactical. stay logged off. stay touching grass.
this has been lil_glitch_69 reporting from a chair. ok bye.
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